Mending MY Broken Heart

I 'met' Jesus when I was about 11 or 12. Dad was a new Christian and bringing the family to church. Everyone was always excited at church and the tears that flowed when someone received Christ - well, I wanted that.

Yet, there was still a hole in my heart. I don't think I FULLY understood why it was there and how to fill it.

My teenage years were rough. I was very active in church & youth group. I even made my own purity pledge, yet I still craved the love of a man - mainly my earthly father.

I looked everywhere for that love & acceptance, only to miss it. After being shunned by my church family, I grew angry with God. How could He let this happen to me? If I couldn't rely on my church family, who COULD I rely on? All the while, God was whispering to me however I was TOO angry to hear Him.

Eventually, my self-respect went out the window. I let men treat me like garbage because I believed that I was garbage. My earthly father didn't love me, my church family didn't want me... obviously my Heavenly Father gave up on me.

I turned towards sex & alcohol to numb the pain. Let me tell you - they were only temporary fixes. The pain always came back worse than before. My mind was open for the Enemy.

I am afflicted with depression. There is some debate as to whether depression is a medical condition or a spiritual condition. I am of the mindset that it IS a medical condition HOWEVER Satan can and will use it to defeat you spiritually. And dear one, HE WILL!

God's whispers began getting a little louder in 1993 when He answered a simple prayer - He reunited me with the man who would eventually become my husband. That doesn't mean that healing was immediate. I had hardened my heart to God - but slowly He was softening it.

Over the years, He continued to pursue me. He blessed me with a godly man, 2 beautiful children, a home; He has reunited & repaired family relationships. He still pursues me - He pursues you too.

There are still days where the Enemy tries to find a foothold. Most days he's unsuccessful. God has taken those 'tragedies' of my life and brought good out of them. He took my broken heart & bound it back together so that I can love Him and love myself.